Mom Needs to Stop Being a ‘Mother By Law’
My daughter is going to have her first child.
How do I support her journey without her treating me like I am the nanny?
How do I let her know she is going to be a great mother without enabling her thoughts of failure?
Dear Mother by Law,
The reason we call you a ‘mother by law’ is because you think there is some rule that means you have to support your daughter, at all.
The truth is, and this may upset a number of ‘parents by law’, but there is no Soulful way to support any child to their satisfaction.
Every time it gets hard and every time your daughter feels inadequate you come running thinking it’s your fault she’s not prepared.
The law you and many others abide by is a rule that says your child is unprepared for life so it’s your responsibility to run up and support when knees buckle, or a big toe stammers or hesitation causes a fumble of decisions.
But this is how a soul evolves, when the mind is forced to find alternatives to a problem.
If you fill up the ‘alternative’ plan, the human being will be trained to see ‘my parent will always be where I cannot.’
So to break that habit is to start saying things like, “I will be doing some travel, so you need to find alternatives to me sitting for you.”
“You’ll need to find an alternative,” is your new mantra to her.
And you need to say it over and over until she is sick of hearing it. Because you also need to hear it. You also need to abide by it.
Now, about her failures as a parent.
If you start to worry that it’s your fault she can’t be her best self, you will just crumble against her needs and not stand firm.
So never blame yourself for what she thinks she cannot do. And don’t feel that always encouraging her is the right way to manage her insecurities.
Simply by saying, “you’ll figure it out,” and leave it at that, is all you need to add to her whining.
Do not elaborate. And change the subject as soon and as often as possible.
We say to you, ‘you’ll figure it out,’ but only as long as you stop being a mother by law.
You need to notice that she is a soul raising a soul.
This is not about your worthiness as a mother, it is God’s worthiness as a creator of all things possible.