Woman Confused by Boyfriend’s Constant Criticism
Dear Godscribe:
I have been dating a man who seems openminded and considerate. But when any disagreement or troubles arise, he turns the situation as if I am the one in the wrong.
He will state things like, “I know I am not perfect either, BUT…..” then goes on to say how I am not feminine enough, or I shouldn’t hang out with certain people.
He’ll say, “I can’t be with someone who is not a woman and hangs around with most people. That is why we have issues in our relationship.”
He follows his comments with, “I am only trying to help you be the best you can be.”
It is truly confusing. I lose track of my true self and whether or not he is right. Sometimes I feel he manipulates the situation to be my fault.
“I would love you more if you were more feminine,” he says, as if I am always the one who needs improvement.
How do I gain perspective on what is best for me? How do I distinguish between what I feel is best for me and what he claims is best for me? How do I prevent losing my true self?
Dear Reader:
You have come to the wrong forum if you think we will help you find your true self and support this relationship at the same time.
Unless you see this man as “wonderful” but with a few disagreeable points, we would never allow a beautiful mind like yours cluttered by such worthless faultfinding.
When a man wants you to change to make yourself “better”, he’s saying, “I want you for myself but only if you make the ways of you for my liking.”
In other words, “you are my project.”
What a Good Man Says
A good man, on the other hand, would say, “I love your masculine way don’t change because you think I want you to.”
Or he would say,
“Your friends are fun for you, go out enjoy them, I’ll see you later tonight,” if he doesn’t care to hang out with them himself.
Why He’s Befuddling You
You are not what you think you are, which is why he can manipulate you. You’re still discovering yourself and what makes you beautiful, inside and out.
But if you listen at all to his criticism, you will injure the delicate nature of your sensitivities.
Yes, becoming womanly is a goal of every maturing female. But no man has the right to take her love and destroy her heart wanting from her that which she is not.
How to Handle a Man’s Inconsiderate Criticism
You say, “If you can’t love me as I am then we can be friends, but I have no interest in marrying a man who doesn’t see me as I am.”
That way if you decide you want a boyfriend you can have one. But keep your heart on ice for your true love and make this relationship a temporary one.
