Can Petty Arguments Cause Divorce?

Couple’s Petty Arguments Threaten Marriage

Dear Godscribe:

If my husband and I are both good people and both care about each other, why do we fight and so much?  I struggle with his quick temper, his bad habits, (too many drinks), and his gotta-be-right mindset.

I know the only person that I can change is me but how do I know that this marriage is right when the little things, the big things, the everyday things are so hard?

In God’s abundant love, can we be two good people that just aren’t meant to be together? We are both walking on eggshells as I try to not make him mad or frustrated and he doesn’t want to see me stiffen.  When he’s loud I get silent.

As much as I try to speak with kindness, actively forgive and pray the resentments out of my heart, we still struggle.

Is the most loving act to let this [marriage] go?

Signed, Sad

Dear Sad:

First of all chin up. Sadness is for defeat and you are not defeated.  Petty arguments are fixable.

A marriage is made of two people trying to become a singular person. Unless you can see how impossible that is – to marry a person to your person – and instead start seeing each other as individuals, completely separate and unique, then the way of “right” will forever be wrong.

The Parable of Awards

Here is a story that will help you understand the foibles of human nature when couples argue.

Once upon a time,

there was a penguin that wanted to find himself an egg. He noticed all the other males had one and did not understand why he didn’t.

So without comprehending what makes an egg, he tried to steal one. 

But every time he tried the other males would squawk, “find your own female to love!”

It wasn’t until the females returned from the sea and found their families that he understood what he needed, in order to get an egg.

But unfortunately, when he found himself a sweetie, to be sweet on, he thought he was supposed to be given the egg. 

However, no such egg came.

“Where is my egg?” he would cluck and complain. 

What he didn’t know is that only with an agreement, between himself and his sweetheart, could he receive his award for finding one.

When a Male Falls in Love

This story is how males think when they fall in love. They think they are to be awarded for what they have accomplished.

A male never realizes their award can only come with negotiations. He thinks the award is about being right, instead of wrong, in other words.

Females Steal Eggs When They’re Right

Females, on the other hand, think they are to help him be right. When he isn’t right, she keeps trying to help him see.

That’s the state of arguments between males and females, if he’s wrong she’s simply trying to help him be right.

But in the midst of an argument, she doesn’t notice how she robs him of his very own egg.

Instead of waiting for him to give it to her, for her sweetness, she tries to take it from him with force, manipulation and working against what he thinks he already knows.

The reason this happens would take long enough for a book, but suffice it to say you must learn to drop it (his egg) before he gets pissed. Drop it and walk away. 

You can then give him time to come to you and give you his egg.

He may never admit to being wrong. He will never say, “you were right.”

But a woman who understands her man will allow him to beat on himself and not encourage him to beat on her, by letting him keep his prize.