Finding Friends after Bullying; When Self is Crushed
I was bullied 13 years ago because I didn’t know how to defend myself. I’ve been attacked, too.
I have no idea why this happened to me.
I was hanging out with a group of friends, before I was bullied, and was still friends with them in high school.
But I decided to separate from them when I got out school. Seven years have passed and I have been alone, with no friends.
I feel I haven’t advanced in life. The psychiatrist diagnosed me with psychosis.
My family sees me like I am sick, and as if I’m destined to live this horrible life.
I go to the park and sit in the grass, I see people pass, and hear them talk behind my back, and yet I don’t have the strength to make friends.
So the question is, am I destined to struggle alone? What do I do to not be alone?
DEAR HURT BY MOM:
You are the only one in this group, with whom we’ve had the opportunity to write to, but we hope others like you, who suffer the effects of darkness all around, will find this answer at some point in their life.
Here’s your spiritual diagnosis, not psychological one. When you get the spirit in order, the psyche naturally follows suit.
In more than one lifetime you were left to die. There was no one around you to keep you safe.
You, therefore, gravitated as a soul to a mother who was too young to care for you properly and too old to give any kindness to you when you were sad.
You are inundated with dark thoughts about yourself as a result.
A Young Mother’s Rage Affect
A young mother can age beyond her years with worry, she also becomes rigid and unable to express kindness.
Couple that deficit of compassion with your last three lifetimes of suffering, and you’ve generated a psychosis of Self-image.
The Psychosis of Self Regard
The psychosis of Self-image is that of a deep hostility toward a world that shows you no kindness.
Even with Sondra’s kindness toward you, you cannot feel it in that way.
Although you appreciate it, you don’t experience her attention as kindness, because you are programmed only to understand pain.
So even her consideration of you makes you think she has an ulterior motive.
We are not saying this to criticize, in any way.
We are just pointing out that the anxiety you are presenting concerns her because she intuitively noticed the absence of your kindness in return for hers.
It worries her even more that you may not hear what we tell you, without seeking in yourself a reason to hate what you are.
Please only see this as a way to peer into your soul’s distance from warm care.
The Warm Care You Must Learn to Experience Within
Now, we will attempt to turn your worth into the golden shimmer you so desperately need to endure.
Knowing your hope, despite what is your experience, requires work on your part.
It is very important to experience what hope feels like and learn to follow it.
Hope is a way of understanding the precious gift you are.
In this way, you must see beyond the way people see you now.
You will say the following to yourself, from now on:
- I have not experienced much kindness in my life.
- I don’t know yet what it means to feel kindness.
- I will seek to connect to my kindness and journey through kindness.
- I will learn to understand why people won’t talk to me kindly.
- I will seek to understand where and why I have been trained to worry about what people think about me.
- I will learn to open my heart and let people teach me how to feel kindness.
When you start to give yourself this hope, you learn not only why kindness is from the word kinship, but why kinship is close to the word kingdom.
And you will also learn that you are a kingdom unto yourself.
As long as you learn that what is in your kingdom is worthy of your own compassion to yourself, you will seek the kindness of others.
Mirror What You Wish to See in Others
You must learn that compassion is mirrored.
Learn to echo kindness through your own Self-image, and you will learn to project this kindness in a way that chooses to have friends.